if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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