you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
