Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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