...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
