i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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