Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
