Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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