Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
