he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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