so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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