It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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