she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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