was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
