My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
