So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You're like the curious george of whores
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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