Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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