About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
