I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
