The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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