Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
