I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
