he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We have started to decorate penises.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
