Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize