Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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