Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
