i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
