Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
