omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
