porn star boner night. come get it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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