This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
