420 ftw
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize