but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
