How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dicks are not precious.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
