There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
