She is in my trunk
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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