I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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