I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
