Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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