ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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