so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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