Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
