nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am available for nakedness
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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