that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
