every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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