I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
