Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize