my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
