I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
