Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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