If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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