k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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