so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
