remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
