I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
