i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
