How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
