Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
