Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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