one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
