The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
