chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
