he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
