a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
