oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
