Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
