hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
