Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize