My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
